Posts Tagged Parent
It’s Modern Parental Involvement – Room for Debate – NYTimes.com
Posted by Michael B. Calyn in Internet, Opinion, Parental, Perspective, Social Media, Society on June 28, 2012
It’s Modern Parental Involvement
Betsy Landers is the president of the National Parent-Teacher Association.
UPDATED JUNE 28, 2012, 4:42 PM
The use of new technology is a daily part of children’s lives, which means it should play a part in parents’ lives, too.
One cannot compare reading a child’s journal to accessing his or her conversations online. The Internet is a different paradigm.
While technology can open up new worlds of rich learning experiences for children, it can also expose them to harm. Today’s parents should be technology savvy and try to stay a step ahead — or at least keep up with — new media and technology to protect their children.
There are plenty of resources that teach parents how to keep their children safe from cyber-bullying, child predators and adult Web sites. It’s up to parents and families to decide which resources they feel are necessary, but ultimately, it’s the parents’ responsibility to protect their children, at least until these children become adults. Parental use of all available resources, including electronic monitoring tools, should not be considered an invasion of privacy; it’s simply modern involvement.
One cannot compare reading a child’s journal to accessing his or her conversations online or through text messages. The Internet is a different paradigm and should not be treated the same as a diary or private letters. Anything that parents would not condone or allow in the real world should be forbidden online. Setting rules may not be enough. A perceived lack of trust lies not necessarily with the children, but rather with the yet-to-be-navigated waters of new technology.
Parents who are monitoring their children’s activities via technology are not crossing the line into invasion of privacy; they are cyber-savvy and involved.
It’s Modern Parental Involvement – Room for Debate – NYTimes.com.
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A Parent’s Role in the Path to Adulthood – Room for Debate – NYTimes.com
Posted by Michael B. Calyn in Debate, Opinion, Perspective, Society on May 29, 2012
A Parent’s Role in the Path to Adulthood
Barbara Hofer is a professor of psychology at Middlebury College and co-author, with Abigail Sullivan Moore, of “The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up.”
UPDATED MAY 28, 2012, 10:52 PM
The transition to adulthood can be either clear or diffuse, depending on whether a culture chooses to offer all the privileges and responsibilities at one distinct age or spread them across time. In some countries, the ability to vote, drink, enter into legal contracts and serve in the military all occur at once. In the United States, these rights are not only spread out, but often without clear rationale. Serving in the military before one is considered responsible enough to purchase alcohol is one of the glaring inconsistencies. Some cultures also mark the transition formally, as in Japan, where “Coming of Age Day” (Seijin Shiki) is a national holiday to celebrate all who reached adulthood in the current year.
Parents who are using technology — Skype, texting, e-mail, Facebook — to micromanage lives from afar may be thwarting the timely passage to adulthood.
Becoming an adult is also a subjective experience, of course, and there is little doubt from recent research that individuals are taking longer to recognize themselves as adults. The age of first marriage and birth of a first child, often perceived by individuals as adult markers, are now occurring later than at any time in history in the U.S. (and greater numbers of individuals are also choosing to forge lives without either of these traditional markers). With increased numbers of individuals attending college and with the tremendous rise in the cost of education and the loans necessary for many, young people are also remaining dependent on parents financially far longer, often leaving them less likely to perceive themselves as adults.
Another psychological aspect of being an adult is feeling autonomous, and individuals whose autonomy is supported — at any age — are more personally motivated. As a college professor who studies adolescents and emerging adults, I am particularly concerned that college students are not getting the opportunities they need to grow into autonomous, healthily connected adults when parents are still hyper-involved in their lives. “Emerging adults” – whom Jeffrey Arnett defines as individuals between 18 and 25 – need opportunities to make their own choices, whether that’s about their major, what courses to take, their social lives or summer plans, and they need practice in making mistakes and recovering, and in owning the outcomes of their choices. They don’t arrive in college fully formed as adults, but we hope they will use these years to make significant progress toward adult behavior, with all the support and safety nets that college can offer.
Yet my research with Abigail Sullivan Moore, reported in our book, shows that many college students are in frequent contact with their parents — nearly twice daily, on average — and that frequency of contact is related to lower autonomy. Parents who are using technology (calls, Skype, texting, e-mail, Facebook, etc.) to micromanage lives from afar may be thwarting the timely passage to adulthood. Not surprisingly, these college students are also not likely to see themselves as adults, nor fully prepared to take the responsibilities of their actions, nor even getting the benefits of college that they and their parents are paying for. One in five students in our study report parents are editing and proofing their papers, for example. College parents can help with the transition by serving as a sounding board rather than being directive, by steering their college-age kids to campus resources for help, by considering long-range goals rather than short-term ones and by giving their “kids” space to grow up.
A Parent’s Role in the Path to Adulthood – Room for Debate – NYTimes.com.
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