Posts Tagged mittromney

Congress Collapses from Exhaustion After Doing Job : The New Yorker


The Borowitz Report

 

DECEMBER 31, 2012

CONGRESS COLLAPSES FROM EXHAUSTION AFTER DOING JOB

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

 

 

 

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The House of Representatives adjourned this evening after the legislative body collapsed from exhaustion brought on by hours of doing its job.

Hundreds of congressmen complained of headaches, dizzy spells, and extreme fatigue after putting in what sources called “a six, maybe seven-hour day.”

With the nation headed over the fiscal cliff, there was no indication when Congress might reconvene, since many of its members had to be hospitalized after what was described as their near-total physical meltdown.

According to Dr. Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota Medical School, “Being forced to listen, compromise, and act like adults for minutes at a time was more punishing than these people could bear.”

Dr. Logsdon said that the gruelling ordeal of doing their jobs would likely keep members of Congress in the hospital for weeks.

“I don’t see these people getting back to work until February at the earliest,” he said. “And that’s great news for this country. Happy New Year, America.”

Congress Collapses from Exhaustion After Doing Job : The New Yorker.

 

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Time Magazine Names Mitt Romney Man of the Year 1912 : The New Yorker


The Borowitz Report

 

DECEMBER 19, 2012

TIME NAMES MITT ROMNEY MAN OF THE YEAR 1912

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In an extraordinary gesture of recognition for a losing Presidential nominee, Time magazine today named former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney Man of the Year 1912.

In a press release explaining its decision, Times editorial board wrote, “Even though his quest for the Presidency was unsuccessful, Mr. Romney’s ideas about foreign policy, taxation, wealth inequality, and women’s rights typified the year 1912 as no one else has.”

In giving Mr. Romney the nod, Time said that he beat out such other candidates for Man of the Year 1912 as Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany, and Edward Smith, captain of the Titanic.

“It was very close between but Romney and the Titanic guy, but we gave it to Romney because it took him slightly longer to sink,” Time wrote.

Mr. Romney could not be reached for comment, a spokesman said, because he was travelling around the world visiting his money.

Time Magazine Names Mitt Romney Man of the Year 1912 : The New Yorker.

 

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Remaking The Republican Party | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source


Remaking The Republican Party

Mitt Romney’s poor performance among minority voters, single women, and young people has led many top Republicans to call for an overhaul of the party’s image. Here are some options the GOP is considering to extend its appeal:

·         Start nominating hipper, more relatable 65-year-old men

·         Begin rolling the R’s in “deportation” and “border fence”

·         A bunch of abortions and stuff—whatever the gals want

·         Change nothing and wait for rest of country to come to its senses

·         Project youthful vibe by requiring Republican congressmen to walk around Capitol doing yo-yo tricks

·         Change party mascot to a Hispanic elephant

·         Start one of those Twitter hashtags

·         Eh, fuck it—just disenfranchise as many people as possible

 Remaking The Republican Party | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

 

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Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » It’s Time to Upgrade Our Presidential Elections


TINA DUPUY

It’s Time to Upgrade Our Presidential Elections

 

 

On election night 2012 I was in DC doing the rounds of various media outlets. At one stop I found myself in a small cramped office of foreign journalists reporting to countries all over Europe and Asia, some as far as Korea. The conversations in the unventilated suite defaulted into election night chatter: “Two-seventy is impossible without Wisconsin.” “Florida has 29 electrical votes, but their demographics are changing.” “If Romney wins Ohio, he still needs Pennsylvania, but if Obama wins Ohio he doesn’t need Pennsylvania.”

Dave Granlund / PoliticalCartoons.com

At one point in the evening someone with a British accent turned to me and said: “Your elections are way too complicated.”

It occurred to me that I was in a room full of people reporting to countries far older than ours, all with far (far) younger democracies. The U.S. is still a young country with the oldest constitution still in use. And this juxtaposition is made painfully apparent on Election Night.

The U.S. Constitution specifies an indirect election of the president. This was a compromise between Congress electing the executive office-holder and direct popular vote. A popular vote would mean the sparsely populated (think slave states) wouldn’t get the same representation as all the white male land owners states. So the Electoral College was settled upon. Which is why today Alaska has three electoral votes even though it has less than the population of Staten Island’s – it’s because of slavery.

It’s also why you’ve been dutifully voting since the second you turned 18 (provided you’re under 54 years old) and you’ve never actually directly voted for the leader of the free world.

Does this now make sense some 200 years after ratification? Now that we no longer have a slave-based economy and the franchise has been extended to women, the answer is, “No.” It now means Ohio with its 18 electoral votes gets to be the belle of the ball every four years and states like California and New York with their combined 84 get largely ignored by the two national candidates. It means your vote in Florida has more value than your cousin’s vote in Wyoming.

But it really means our system is overly complicated, fragmented and largely viewed with suspicion by voters. Because the way we vote for a president is antiquated and convolution it leads to distrust. Local lawmakers can disenfranchise voters in national elections as we saw with the arbitrary voter ID laws in battleground states. There were concerns (think hysteria) that voting machines owned by Mitt Romney’s son in Ohio would deliver the election to the Republicans. The group Anonymous (or someone claiming to be Anonymous) took credit for thwarting Karl Rove’s alleged attempt at stealing the election. Then on Fox News the panic was over voter fraud.

There were long lines, lost ballots and chaos on Election Day. Different voting precincts with different rules and sometimes different philosophies on who should cast their ballots we’re highlighted in the national media. What it all leads to is a voting result which have a whisper of illegitimacy. There’s a lingering doubt as to if the elections were fair and therefore the result valid. And it’s partisan: The Left will say that of George Bush stole the election, the Right about Obama.

We could solve this issue by modernizing elections. Not only tossing out the Electoral College and letting Americans directly vote for a president, but making the requirements uniform (i.e. universal suffrage). This would make voting in Oregon just as relevant as a voting in Cuyahoga County.

A census is constitutionally required every ten years and we don’t leave it up to each state to compile it. But we leave our national elections up to (in some cases) the county officials?! Federalize federal elections. We have national standards for schools and milk safety but we can’t vote the same way in every state?

We can change this. And there’s no better time than three years and eleven months before the next presidential election begins.

 Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » It’s Time to Upgrade Our Presidential Elections.

 

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5 Ways Most Americans Are Blind to How Their Country Is Stacked for the Wealthy | Alternet


5 Ways Most Americans Are Blind to How Their Country Is Stacked for the Wealthy

We’ve got to abandon our winner-take-all philosophy, to provide job opportunities for people who want to contribute to society.

November 15, 2012 

 

Mitt Romney said he wasn’t concerned about the very poor, because they have a safety net. This is typical of the widespread ignorance about inequality in our country. Struggling Americans want jobs, not handouts, and for the most part they’ve paid for their “safety net.” The real problem is at the other end of the wealth gap.

How many people know that out of 150 countries, we have the fourth-highest wealth disparity? Only Zimbabwe, Namibia and Switzerland are worse.

It’s not just economic inequality that’s plaguing our country, it’s lack of opportunity. It’s a dismissal of poor people as lazy, or as threats to society. More than any other issue over the next four years, we need to address the growing divide in our nation, to tone down our winner-take-all philosophy, to provide job opportunities for people who want to contribute to society.

Here are some of the common misconceptions.

1. Americans believe that the poorest 40 percent own about 10% of the wealth.

Most people greatly underestimate the level of inequality in our country, guessing that the poorest 40 percent own about 10% of the wealth, when in reality they own much less than 1% of the wealth. Out of every dollar, they own a third of a penny.

Factor in race and it gets worse. Much of minority wealth exists in home values. But housing crashed, while the financial wealth owned almost entirely (93% of it) by the richest quintile of Americans has rebounded to lofty pre-recession levels.

As a result, for every dollar of non-home wealth owned by white families, people of color have only 1 cent. Median wealth for a single white woman is over $40,000. For black and Hispanic women it is a little over $100.

2. Entitlements are the problem.

No, they’re not. The evidence is overwhelming. Social Security is a popular and well-run program. As summarized by Bernie Sanders, “Social Security, which is funded by the payroll tax, has not contributed one nickel to the deficit, and according to its trustees, can pay 100 percent of all benefits owed to every eligible American for the next 21 years.” Dean Baker calls it “perhaps the greatest success story of any program in US history.”

Medicare, which is largely without the profit motive and the competing sources of billing, is efficiently run, for all eligible Americans. According to the Council for Affordable Health Insurance, medical administrative costs as a percentage of claims are about three times higher for private insurance than for Medicare. And it’s just as popular as Social Security.

3. Welfare benefits are a drag on the economy.

Critics bemoan the amounts of aid being lavished on lower-income Americans, making dubious claims about thousands of dollars going to every poor family. But despite an ever-growing need for jobs and basic living necessities, federal spending on poverty programs is a small part of the budget, and it’s been that way for almost 50 years, increasing from 0.8 percent of GDP in 1962 to 1.2 percent of GDP in 2007.

Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) has dropped significantly over the past 15 years, leaving benefit levels far below the poverty line for most families. Ninety percent of the available benefits go to the elderly, the disabled or working households. For each family, current federal budgets pay about $400 per month for food, housing, and traditional “welfare” programs. Food stamp recipients get $4.30 a day.

4. The American Dream is still alive, if you just work hard enough.

The Horatio Alger tale has been a popular one for conservatives, but the OECD, the Economic Policy Institute and the National Journal all came to the same conclusion: the future earnings of a child in the U.S. is closely correlated to the earnings of his or her parents. This lack of mobility is more prevalent in the U.S. than in almost all other OECD countries.

Only 4 percent of those raised in the bottom quintile make it to the top quintile as adults. Only about 20 percent even make it to the top half.

A big part of the problem is the severe degree of poverty for our nation’s children. According to UNICEF, among industrialized countries only Romania has a higher child poverty rate than the United States. Just in the last 10 years the number of impoverished American children increased by 30 percent.

And it’s much worse for minorities. While 12 percent of white children live in poverty, 35 percent of Hispanic children and 39% of black children start their lives in conditions that make simple survival more important than the American Dream. Eighty percent of black children who started in or near the top half of U.S. income levels experienced downward mobility later in life.

5. Prison puts away the bad guys.

Despite a falling violent crime rate in the U.S., there are now, as noted by Adam Gopnik, “more people under ‘correctional supervision’ in America — more than six million — than were in the Gulag Archipelago under Stalin at its height.”

Almost half of the inmates in federal prisons were jailed for drug offenses. Between 1980 and 2003, the number of drug offenders in prison or jail increased by 1100% from 41,100 in 1980 to 493,800 in 2003. African Americans constituted 53.5 percent of all persons who entered prison because of a drug conviction. In the nation’s largest cities, drug arrests for African Americans rose at three times the rate for whites from 1980 to 2003.

In Washington, DC, it is estimated that three out of four young black men will serve time in prison. In New York, with 50,000 marijuana arrests per year, 90% are black or Latino. In Seattle, the 8% black population accounts for 60 percent of the arrests. Over the last 10 years Colorado police have arrested Latinos at 1.5 times the rate of whites, and blacks at over three times the rate of whites. Newly passed marijuana laws reflect the beginnings of a backlash.

Perversely, this is all happening as studies by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration find that both black and Hispanic adolescents use drugs less than the general population. And a study by the National Institute of Health shows that the prevalence of marijuana use in colleges and universities was highest for white students.

The greatest misconception: The rich are being soaked.

Redistribution has not spread the wealth, it has concentrated the wealth. Conservative estimates say the richest 1% have doubled their share of America’s income in 30 years. It’s worse. From 1980 to 2006, the richest 1% actually tripledtheir share of after-tax income.

The real problem is tax avoidance: lost revenue from tax expenditures (deferrals and deductions), corporate tax avoidance, and tax haven losses could pay off the entire deficit. But the very rich refuse to pay. They have their own safety net in the House of Representatives.

 5 Ways Most Americans Are Blind to How Their Country Is Stacked for the Wealthy | Alternet.

 

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Free Wood Post – Koch Brothers Invoice Romney 500 Million For ‘Services Not Rendered’


Koch Brothers Invoice Romney 500 Million For ‘Services Not Rendered’

November 7, 2012

By Jeff Musall

After Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney was soundly defeated in the 2012 election, the hits kept coming. The billionaire Koch brothers were huge contributors to his campaign, both directly and indirectly. It seems they aren’t happy with the result and are holding Romney responsible. Immediately after Romney conceded, the Koch boys emailed an invoice to Romney demanding 500 million dollars for what they termed “services not rendered.”

Thanks to the Citizens United ruling by the Supreme Court, unlimited amounts of money were poured into the Romney campaign by obscenely wealthy contributors who felt that they could buy the election. Like good capitalists, they of course expected a return on their investments in Mr. Romney.

That his campaign failed so miserably even though so much big money was used against him said that wouldn’t happen. Objective observers point out that there is just far too much money in politics on all sides. They also will point to the fact that backers of the Republican candidates threw huge amounts of money at the election and got very little in return. That’s the line of reasoning which brought the Koch brothers to seek reimbursement.

It’s hard to imagine any court rewarding the Koch’s wish and granting them payment in lieu of their expected services, but that isn’t apparently stopping them. What is accomplished by the invoicing of Romney is that Americans get to see that there are expectations in the political arena when very wealthy patrons contribute huge sums of money.

There was no immediate response from the Romney campaign.

 Free Wood Post.

 

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Free Wood Post – Romney Gracious In Defeat Due To Frequent Practice


Romney Gracious In Defeat Due To Frequent Practice

November 7, 2012

By Eric Hetvile

The United States 2012 Presidential Election concluded with a gracious concession speech in which Mitt Romney passed well wishes on to President Obama and his family.

“It seemed really sincere, ” said Vice President Joe Biden. “Though can you really believe anything that lying bastard says, though?”

“Look guys, I’ve been losing elections for years. I’ve had great practice. I know what I’m doing. This is exactly how you lose. I have a 54 point plan for losing elections, ” declared Romney. “You say a bunch of bad stuff about the other guy. You change your positions frequently. And when people catch on and vote for the other guy, you wish him well.”

“Hey, losing is still pretty lucrative. I crashed a ton of companies at Bain and still got paid. No worries, my friends. And I assume after this, Fox News will be calling to sign me up for something. Heck, they gave that Palin lady a job. Though I hope they didn’t hear me say those nice things about the President. That might be a deal killer.”

No details existed for a Fox News job offer to Romney at the moment this piece went to press.

 Free Wood Post.

 

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Obamas Return to White House as Romneys Return to 1954 : The New Yorker


The Borowitz Report

 

NOVEMBER 6, 2012

OBAMAS RETURN TO WHITE HOUSE AS ROMNEYS RETURN TO 1954

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

 

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BOSTON (The Borowitz Report)—America cast its historic vote today, sending Barack and Michelle Obama back to the White House while sending Mitt and Ann Romney back to 1954.

The election meant the end of the road for Mr. Romney, who had been actively seeking the Presidency for the past sixty-five years.

Addressing supporters at the Boston Convention Center, Mr. Romney called his defeat tonight “bittersweet”: “On one hand, I lost the election. But on the other hand, I’ll never have to show anyone my taxes.”

If he had won tonight, Mr. Romney would have become the first man elected President after telling half of the country to screw themselves.

Vice-Presidential nominee Paul Ryan addressed the subject of his defeat in characteristic style, telling supporters that he had won.

 Obamas Return to White House as Romneys Return to 1954 : The New Yorker.

 

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Free Wood Post – Canada and Mexico Scramble to Build National Security Fences to Keep Out Republicans


Canada and Mexico Scramble to Build National Security Fences to Keep Out Republicans

November 8, 2012

By Kyle Murphy

The Canadian and Mexican governments announced on Wednesday plans to build security walls along their borders to prevent Mitt Romney’s supporters from illegally seeking sanctuary in their countries.  While moving to Canada under a Republican presidency has long been suggested by American liberals, it appears the U.S.’s northern neighbor had never been concerned with the threat until it was made by the American right.

“If you think I’m some right-wing nut,” said Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper in a CBC news interview, “just wait until THOSE guys get here.”

“They make me look like Che-freakin’ Guevara.”

Mexican President Juan Del Sandro Il Saint Sanduvale had a similar reaction, though in Spanish.

American Conservatives expressed shock that other countries would want to keep them out, especially in light of their history of launching illegal wars, destroying the environment, opposing equal rights, and possessing an unflinching belief that health care is a commodity rather than a necessity.

“I don’t know what exactly we could do to win these Canadians over,” said Dale Johnson, a dejected Tea Party supporter considering a move north.  “Maybe offer to bring up tons of free automatic rifles with us and give them out as gifts?”

Construction of the separate Canadian and Mexican security fences is set to begin by Friday.

 Free Wood Post.

 

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Nation Spends $2.5 Billion on Nothing : The New Yorker


The Borowitz Report

 

NOVEMBER 7, 2012

NATION SPENDS $2.5 BILLION ON NOTHING

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

 

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NEWS ANALYSIS (The Borowitz Report)—One day after the costliest Presidential election in U.S. history, Americans awoke to the ugly realization that the nation had spent $2.5 billion with absolutely nothing to show for it.

“Four years ago, Barack Obama was elected President of the United States, and that is still the case,” says Professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota. “The only difference is that we as a nation are out $2.5 billion.”

Mr. Logsdon claims that America’s system of egregious political spending “has made us the laughingstock of the world,” arguing, “Even Greece would know better than to blow through money like that.”

But “not so fast,” says Tracy Klugian, President of the Negative Advertising Association of America, which represents the nation’s leading producers of political attack ads.

“When people complain about how expensive these political campaigns are, they’re forgetting about the millions of Americans who are employed making negative ads,” he says. “Say what you will about lies, vitriol and character assassination, they’re job creators.”

In fact, Mr. Klugian says, America’s costly and interminable campaigns are the nation’s most reliable source of employment: “They gave a completely unskilled person like Mitt Romney a steady job for eight years.”

Acknowledging that the $2.5 billion spent this year was a “tidy sum,” Mr. Klugian says, “If we took all the money we spend on political ads and used it to educate our children and feed the poor, we wouldn’t be America.”

 Nation Spends $2.5 Billion on Nothing : The New Yorker.

 

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