Posts Tagged Kim
MAY 14, 2013
KIM JONG-UN DEFENDS RIGHT TO OBTAIN JOURNALISTS’ PHONE RECORDS
POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—As controversy swirled around the Department of Justice’s move to obtain journalists’ phone records, the White House picked up a vote of support today from an unexpected source, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un of North Korea.
“I honestly don’t see what the fuss is all about,” Mr. Kim said in an official statement today. “Of course it’s the government’s right to know what people are doing at all times—and journalists would be right at the top of the list.”
Mr. Kim also offered a vigorous defense of the I.R.S. policy of auditing the tax returns of organizations that oppose the government: “Again, this is something I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep over, and I know Dad felt the same way.”
In what was an otherwise laudatory statement about the activities of the U.S. government, Mr. Kim offered one small critique: “They could save themselves the work of conducting audits and obtaining phone records if they would just get rid of journalists and anti-government groups in the first place. But, you know, baby steps.”
All in all, news of the I.R.S. audits and phone-records scandals have given the mercurial dictator hope that North Korea and the United States might have warmer relations in the future: “We have a lot more in common than I thought.”
- Kim Jong-un Defends Right to Obtain Journalists’ Phone Records (newyorker.com)
- Rodman Asks Kim Jong-Un To Free Prisoner (news.sky.com)
- North Korea: Kim Jong-un ‘targets George W. Bush’s home state of Texas’ (telegraph.co.uk)
- Who’s really behind Kim Jong-un? http://t.co/VOaOPNm3Qk (smh.com.au)
- Kim Jong-un Moves Transformers Collection to Border (newyorker.com)
- Kim wants to be remembered for … anything – Sydney Morning Herald (smh.com.au)
- Dennis Rodman pleads with ‘friend’ Kim Jong-un to release US prisoner (metro.co.uk)
- North Korean Leader, Young and Defiant, Strains Ties With Chinese (bytes01.wordpress.com)
- BREAKING: North Korea: ‘OUTBREAK OF WAR HOURS AWAY’ As Kim Jong-un PLANS US STRIKE [W/ VIDEO] (secretsofthefed.com)
- N. Korea replaces hardline defense chief with unknown (foxnews.com)
Why North Korea’s Rocket Mattered
By SUNG-YOON LEE
Published: April 13, 2012
Oliver Munday and Jason Arias
SPECTACULAR failure though it was,North Korea’s latest rocket launching calls for punitive measures from America and its allies. Bad engineering is no reason for complacency; the benchmark for American policy must be North Korea’s intent. And for decades, that government has been determined to develop nuclear-tipped long-range missiles that would give it leverage over the United States on a host of issues.
It’s predictable that the misfire has triggered over-analysis and scapegoating, with calls for calm and tales of an internal power struggle between “hawks” and “doves” in the new Kim Jong-un government. Others say America and South Korea should re-engage the government in Pyongyang. Both views ignore the fact that Kim Jong-un is following a path of alternating provocations and peace offensives paved by his grandfather Kim Il-sung and perfected by his father, Kim Jong-il.
No government enjoys total unanimity. But the notion that in totalitarian North Korea, a few disgruntled military men might put their foot down and reverse a course of engagement set by their leader is foolish. It ignores the nature of the power structure in the North. For more than a half-century, the Kim clan has kept the military in line through vicious purges, competition that fosters loyalty to the leader, selective rewards and a multilayered security apparatus. While a military clique may one day challenge or even overthrow Kim Jong-un, the notion that the military wields a veto now is a mirage that plays into North Korea’s stratagems.
And for those inclined to believe that the North can be persuaded to change its behavior with inducements, consider this: Except for the invasion of the South in 1950, North Korea has never suffered a lasting or devastating penalty for its many attacks and provocations. On the contrary, it has often been rewarded for false pledges.
From January 1968 to December 1969, North Korea acted with impunity: It sent commandos into Seoul in a failed effort to kill the South Korean president, Park Chung-hee; it seized the United States Navy spy ship Pueblo and its crew, killing one sailor and holding 82 prisoners for 11 months until it got an apology from the Johnson administration; it shot down an American reconnaissance plane, killing 31 servicemen aboard, on Kim Il-sung’s birthday in 1969; and it ambushed and killed four American soldiers patrolling the military demarcation line in October 1969.
A thaw followed in the early 1970s, thanks to American rapprochement with China. Talks between North and South ensued. Kim Il-sung called for diplomatic talks with America. But then North Korea resumed attacks. In 1974 it made another attempt on President Park’s life, in which his wife died. In 1976 North Korean guards hacked two American soldiers to death.
In 1983, as North Korea sought talks with America, its agents targeted the South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan, with a bomb in Rangoon, Burma (now Yangon, Myanmar). He survived, but 17 other South Korean officials died. In 1998 North Korea fired a missile over Japan while America, South Korea and Japan were sending energy aid. In 2006 it test-fired a long-range missile on July 5 and staged its first nuclear test three months later. In 2009, it launched a long-range rocket in April and tested a nuclear device on Memorial Day.
In all of these episodes, North Korea was never penalized in any meaningful way. Indeed, several provocations were followed by blandishments — rewards, in effect — in the form of food, fuel and cash from North Korea’s risk-averse adversaries in Seoul and Washington.
This record shows that North Korea doesn’t respond to either rhetorical hostility or diplomatic civility. Its latest ballistic stunt followed a long pattern of ignoring outside warnings. But the American response should not also be the usual — strong on rhetorical condemnation, weak on punitive action and generous in damage-control concessions. North Korea clearly seeks to continue this profitable cycle by dangling before America the possibility of denuclearization, even as it conducts missile and nuclear tests.
Now, as Kim Jong-un is believed to be preparing for another nuclear test, the question remains how much longer America and its allies will take before devising a new collective strategy — one that does not settle for short-term diplomatic gains at the cost of long-term strategic interests.
They can start by responding to the failed launching on Friday as if it had succeeded. The Obama administration is correct to cancel food shipments, which were contingent on a halt to missile and nuclear tests. But it should go further and act with its allies to hit the Kim government itself — by tightening economic sanctions aimed at the privileged few at the top of the Kim dynasty’s power structure; by not relenting in that pressure for the mere privilege of talking with North Korea; and by taking new measures to counter the propaganda apparatus with which the government controls the long-suffering North Korean people.
That may not stem North Korea’s provocations in the short term. But the alternative is, at best, another half-century of putting up with provocations from the North or, far worse, a major nuclear crisis that ends in a devastating war.
- Failed North Korean Launch a Setback for Kim Jong-un – NYTimes.com (mbcalyn.com)
- Borowitz Report – North Korea Expelled from Axis of Evil (mbcalyn.com)
- Kim Jong Un reaffirms North Korean ‘military first’ policy (ctv.ca)
- New North Korean leader emphasizes ‘military first’ (newsinfo.inquirer.net)
- In the News – Is N.Korea Abandoning Its Quest for Self-Reliance? (mouonekorea.wordpress.com)
- New NKorean leader emphasizes ‘military first’ (sacbee.com)
- In rare move, North Korea admits to missile failure (+video) (csmonitor.com)
- North Korea Unveils Kim Statues on Day of Rocket Failure (commondreams.org)
- In North Korea, it’s weapons over food (stripes.com)
- New NKorean leader emphasizes ‘military first’ (thehimalayantimes.com)
POSTED DECEMBER 19, 2011
Trump to Run for President of North Korea
Promises Continuity of Leadership
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report) – Within hours of the death of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, real estate mogul Donald Trump roiled the political situation in that Stalinist country by announcing that he would run for its presidency.
“Kim Jong-Il ruled North Korea as the egomaniacal leader of a personality cult,” Mr. Trump told reporters en route to Pyongyang. “I can offer continuity of leadership.”
But Mr. Trump’s bid may be complicated by reports that, despite his death, the mercurial Kim plans to remain in power until 2024.
“He intended to rule North Korea until 2028,” said one North Korean government source. “His death moves up that timetable a bit.”
In Pyongyang, North Koreans officially marked the death of Kim by having their first meal in thirty years.
Officials said that in accordance with the dictator’s wishes, Kim will be strapped to a nuclear weapon and buried in South Korea.
- President Monitoring Reports From North Korea (abcnews.go.com)
- North Koreans Told to Back Kim’s Son (newser.com)
- North Korea mourns Kim Jong Il; son is ‘successor’ (newsok.com)
- Kim Death: US Monitors ‘Uncertain’ North (news.sky.com)
- North Korea mourns Kim Jong Il; son is ‘successor’ (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
- North Korea mourns Kim Jong Il; son is ‘successor’ (mercurynews.com)
- North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il Has Died (time.com)
- Video: North Korea after Kim Jong Il (cbsnews.com)
- North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il Has Died (time.com)
- North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il, 69, Has Died (time.com)
I know I should not give Kim Kardashian any more attention than she already gets, but I can’t resist. Did you see the quote where Kim said she thought marriage was forever? I don’t know which pool she was in, but I don’t think many went past six months. Besides Kim, I don’t know anyone in America who gave this marriage a chance. Even Kim’s brain-dead sisters knew better.
By the way, the fact these three bimbos are famous is a definite sign of an impending apocalypse.
Herman Cain has now been accused of sexual misconduct. It has been said that he paid two different women six figure sums to make the charges go away back when he headed the restaurant lobby. The GOP stalwarts are claiming, “Hey, if Clinton can do it, what’s the problem.” But didn’t Clinton get brought up on impeachment charges by those same Republicans? If it’s not a problem, why did they try to kick him from office? And why did they spend 60 million investigating the charges in the first place? Can you say double standard.
(I love paraphrasing Mr. Rogers. I’m starting to think we live in the land of make-believe.)
Personally, I don’t care what Cain has done, I hope he doesn’t become president because his ideas are farcical. The real race is between Perry and Romney. Cain is a flash in the pan.
And finally, Tony LaRussa, the manager of the World Champion St. Louis Cardinals, has announced his retirement. What’s that? You didn’t know the Cards had won the World Series? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Hell, I like baseball and I didn’t watch it. Plus, I don’t like LaRussa. He’s an old man but doesn’t have a fleck of gray in his hair. And he doesn’t like to admit mistakes. He is often regarded as some sort of baseball genius, but the fact that Mark McGwire played with him for over a decade while using steroids escaped his attention. I call this selective blindness, and it is related to selective hearing, an affliction my twins possess. And, to top it off, the Cards beat my beloved Phillies to knock them out of the play-offs, a major black mark. I shall not miss LaRussa.
Halloween was last night, and I took Cait out around the neighborhood. Will decided he didn’t want to go, and resisted peer pressure to change his mind. He’s different, but in a good way. Not as many people were trick or treating, or giving out candy. Cait got only half of her usual haul. The weather also played a part in this decline, as many towns cancelled Halloween outright, rescheduling it for this weekend. But the kids didn’t care if there was snow on the ground, and would not be denied. After all, candy was involved.
I hope you had a good Halloween.
- Kim Kardashian to File For Divorce After 72 Days of Marriage (popsugar.com)
- Kim Kardashian was Poison Ivy (wwtdd.com)
- Kim Kardashian As Poison Ivy [PHOTO] (hellobeautiful.com)
- Kelly Ripa and Nick Lachey Dress Up as Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries For Halloween! (popsugar.com)
- BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Kim Kardashian’s statement about divorce (heatworld.com)
- WARNING: Don’t Click Facebook Posts Promising Kim Kardashian Sex Video (allfacebook.com)
- Kim Kardashian Flees to Australia Following Divorce Drama (popsugar.com)
- Freeze Frame: Kelly Ripa And Nick Lachey Dress Up As Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries For Halloween (crunktastical.net)
- Kim Kardashian, Calm Before The Divorce Storm! (perezhilton.com)
- Heidi Klum Makes A Joke About Sexy Halloween Costumes At Kim Kardashian’s Expense (thegloss.com)