Posts Tagged Augusta Chronicle

Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » Beware the Office Christmas Party

Posted by Michael B. Calyn in Humor/Parody on December 13, 2012


TOM PURCELL

Beware the Office Christmas Party 

 

Exclusive Excerpt: “Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!” by Tom Purcell

“You got fired because your company had a Christmas party? You’re going to have to explain.”

“Look, I’ve been going to company Christmas parties a long time. The mix of office politics and adult beverages has caused some nutty things to happen over the years. But now everybody is so serious and so easily offended, things are worse than ever.”

Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle

“What did you do?”

“Well, the owners of my company threw a traditional office Christmas party after work one evening — the last such party they’ll ever have. Thanks to me and the boys in the sales department, adult beverages were flowing. I thought everybody was having a good time. But something was missing.”

“Missing?”

“There was no Christmas tree! I went out to the woods and cut a couple of pine branches and put them in a vase. I went to my desk and made a paper star. I placed the star on top of the tree. I figured everybody would love it, but somebody filed a complaint with Human Resources.”

“A complaint?”

“Some fellow said I was imposing a specific faith on him — that I was creating a hostile work environment. He said I was insensitive to people of other faiths — that even though the Supreme Court ruled that a Christmas tree is a secular symbol, the only acceptable tree would be a diversity tree that represented everybody’s point of view.”

“I see.”

“Anyhow, about then — I believe the boys and I had a few more drinks — we started singing Christmas carols: “Silent Night,” “Hark! The Herald ,”  “The First Noel.” We were working our way through “Hallelujah Chorus” when it happened again.”

“Another complaint to Human Resources?”

“Bingo. I don’t know why anybody would be upset about Christmas carols being sung at a Christmas party. Something about Christian songs being insensitive to non-Christians. But that was the least of my worries. Things got worse when we conducted our annual raffle.”

“I can only imagine. Go on.”

“Well, every year the boys and I buy the finest bottle of hooch we can find. We raffle it off and give the funds we raise to charity. How was I supposed to know that some religions are offended by gambling and alcohol? As you might expect, the raffle caused another compliant. But that was nothing compared to what happened next.”

“Things got worse!”

“Oh, yeah. Just after the boys and I had a few more drinks, in walks one of the ladies from order entry. You wouldn’t believe some of the clothing she wears to work — or, to be more precise, the clothing she DOESN’T wear.”

“Please don’t tell me there was mistletoe.”

“How’d you guess? The boys bet me 20 bucks I could coax her under the mistletoe and give her a little peck. Silver-tongued devil that I am, I began commenting on how great she looked in her scanty duds when —”

“Another complaint was filed with Human Resources?”

“You’re good, buddy. She dresses like a pop star and I’m the one hit with a multimillion-dollar sexual-harassment lawsuit?”

“I recently read about such Christmas office-party woes in The New York Times. Because our work force is so diverse — and because people have so many different social styles, religions and points of view — the article said many companies don’t know how to approach Christmas parties anymore.”

“You can add me to that list, pal.”

“Employees are so sensitive and easily offended, employers can’t please one without agitating another. Some say Christmas parties are too overtly Christian — others that they’re not overt enough.”

“They’re not overtly FUN enough.”

“Traditional Christmas parties are rife with liabilities, too — company-funded alcohol consumption is a huge red flag. Thus, more companies are abandoning the traditional Christmas party for dull, generic, daytime events — another trend that reflects how humorless, serious and overly sensitive America is becoming. Though you have to admit: You were awfully boorish and brash at your Christmas party.”

“Sure, I admit it. But I’ve been boorish and brash every year. It’s just that nowadays you can get sued and canned and for it.”

 Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » Beware the Office Christmas Party.

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Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » Fiscal Cliff Traffic Report

Posted by Michael B. Calyn in GOP, Humor/Parody, Perspective on December 6, 2012


WILL DURST

Fiscal Cliff Traffic Report

 

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

“So, expect showers and gale-force winds over the next couple of days and don’t forget that high-surf advisory is in effect throughout the weekend. We may even see some downed power lines and scattered looting. That’s the weather here on Capitol Hill — now let’s go to Brandon with your Congressional traffic report.”

Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle

“Thanks Brandon. Well, its gotten pretty ugly out there, people. My best advice is, stay in your homes. As expected, following the holiday recess, we’re seeing a lot of bluster and bombast building up on the Beltway, and the obstructionist blather has managed to stall headway on nearly every budget deal ramp to a virtual crawl.

Three or four 18- wheelers jam-packed with Election Day rancor have overturned, and as you might imagine, rubbernecking has resulted in hundreds of not-so-tender fender benders in both directions. It’s gotten so bad that major media outlet trucks are stuck on the shoulder filming each other, filming each other.

It’s not just the Beltway that’s backed up. Main Street and Wall Street and the Path to Prosperity all report major slowdowns due to a multitude of partisan pile-ups. Some drivers seem to be purposefully ramming fellow travelers right off the road while others speed across median strips to dive into oncoming traffic seemingly with no thought to life or limb. Casualties continue to mount and officials worry about running out of tarps.

Sky Nine over the Bridge to the Future reports that progress remains hopelessly clogged with all visible movement being of the backwards variety, and from their vantage all the right lanes look to be blocked as far as the eye can see. Left lanes: not much better. Center lanes: you don’t want to know.

Many reasons have been offered up for Carmageddon spreading nationwide. Pure native stubbornness, leading to refusals to merge. Infrastructure deterioration. Widespread smoke screens creating low visibility. A plethora of misread signs due to intentionally misinterpreted polls. Death wishes. Insanity. Mad Cow.

Part of the problem can be attributed to the numerous turnarounds closed by committee chairmen to restrict desertion from party-line movement, and reports continue to stream in that a crazy person by the name of Grover Norquist has been single-handedly impeding traffic by standing in the ditch and flagging motorists off the road straight into various freeway abutments. Although it must be said, some cars do now seem to be aiming right for him, chasing the anti-cheerleader back to the safety of various rest stop bathroom stalls.

Due to the slick situation, eternal congestion and some inexplicable glitch that has turned all the surface street stop lights to red, further delays are expected to spread across the nation as the country experiences a massive impasse on all roads leading to the cutoff meant to avert the dreaded Fiscal Cliff.

Veteran observers claim this activity is expected due to the mostly poor driving skills possessed by the residents of our nation’s capital. But the upshot is, we’re back to stalls and jams and near-total gridlock far into the foreseeable future. So remember to keep that dial here, where we bring you weather and traffic together on the eights, although to be perfectly honest, not much is expected to change any time soon. Back to you, Brandon.”

 Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » Fiscal Cliff Traffic Report.

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Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » GOP Turns Sure Victory into Defeat

Posted by Michael B. Calyn in Opinion, Perspective on November 8, 2012


MICHAEL REAGAN

GOP Turns Sure Victory into Defeat

 

 

Making Sense, by Michael Reagan

Wait until next year — 2016, that is.

That’s what disappointed Republican spinners kept saying Tuesday night as they watched Mitt Romney’s hopes crash and burn in swing state after swing state.

Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle

How many times did I hear a Republican talk about how their party’s deep bench of future all-stars will return it to power in Washington in four years?

But all the Ryans, Rubios, Bushes, Haleys and Christies in America can’t put the GOP — or the country — back together again.

The GOP is a wreck — and not just in California, where the party’s registration is now below 30 percent.

Look how easily the Republican Party managed to turn what should have been a sure victory over an incompetent and dangerous incumbent into an embarrassing defeat.

First they tore each other to shreds in a bitter primary, smearing their eventual nominee in debates as a rich, uncaring profiteer who put working people out on the street and shipped their jobs overseas.

Then, while Obama’s ads in the battleground states reinforced the Republican-made caricature of Mitt, the Romney campaign did just about everything wrong.

It squandered the GOP convention and tried to make their candidate into “Mitt the Moderate.” Team Romney also shunned their natural allies in talk radio and didn’t reach out for help from conservatives like me.

I would have been glad to help the Romney campaign in Ohio or Pennsylvania, where I worked for my father in 1980. I offered, but the phone never rang. It didn’t ring for Bill O’Reilly or for the other major radio and TV talk shows, either.

But Team Romney’s biggest mistake was playing prevent defense after his big victory in the first debate. It was a terrible, fatal blunder.

Instead of hammering away at the horror of Obamacare, the cover-up in Benghazi and President Eye-Candy’s four years of failure, Romney ran the last five weeks hoping the clock would run out before Obama could recover.

But you don’t play prevent defense when you are running in second place in Ohio, Virginia, Florida — and Tuesday’s results proved it.

Hurricane Sandy struck Mitt a final blow, giving Obama the chance to look presidential and making Mitt disappear from the media for four days.

But give credit to Obama’s Chicago Gang. They ran a much better campaign — on the ground and in the air. They got out the vote and Obama got out his message of class envy and federal entitlements for all, without any trouble from his toadies in the media.

Now bigger deficits, higher taxes and a stagnant economy lie ahead for as far as the eye can see. And socialized medicine — which my father warned was coming to America 50 years ago — is going to soon become a reality via Obamacare.

Team Romney blew an easy win because it had a poor game plan. But it also lost because the Republican Party is all talk and no guts when it comes to fighting for real conservatism — Ronald Reagan conservatism.

GOP bigwigs constantly praise my father. For years they’ve used him to suck true conservatives into the party, but they’ve never really embraced Reaganism or its ideals.

They didn’t in the 1980s and they still don’t today. They only talk about him. The party bosses don’t really think like him.

Most of those Republican candidates who lost Tuesday played the same game of pretend. “I’m like Ronald Reagan!” “No, I’m like Ronald Reagan!”

But most of them aren’t like my father. They weren’t waving the “bold colors” of real conservatism he talked about in 1975. The banners of the losers — like Mitt’s — were colored in “pale pastels.”

The GOP needs a new playbook. Unless it starts embracing my father’s conservative ideals instead of just paying lip service to them, the so-called “Party of Ronald Reagan” may never win another national election.

 Cagle Post – Political Cartoons & Commentary – » GOP Turns Sure Victory into Defeat.

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Cagle Post » The Audacity of Mendacity

Posted by Michael B. Calyn in Opinion, Perspective, Politics on October 7, 2012


 

WILL DURST

The Audacity of Mendacity 

 

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

A surprisingly large segment of America tuned into the first presidential debate, but for some odd reason, President Obama did not appear among them. Who was in charge of his debate prep, Clint Eastwood? Even an empty chair would have provided a sturdier obstinacy.

The Committee to Re- Elect the President will obviously try to convince us that, like the economy, the commander in chief’s sub-par debate performance can be traced back to the Bush administration, but darker forces may be at work here. The Ghosts of Debaters Past.

 

Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle

We learned Mitt Romney wants to kill Big Bird, but that was about it as far as fireworks go. No word on the Cookie Monster. But it doesn’t look good. Mr. Romney always seemed more of a Masterpiece Theatre sort of guy anyway.

Perhaps the president was suffering from altitude poisoning, or distracted by missing his 20th wedding anniversary, or maybe the duties of Leader of the Free World are more exhausting than one thinks, because he fumbled and rambled, and gave the overall impression he was told the winner would be determined by time of possession.

And what was so interesting on the podium that compelled him to keep looking down at it? Was he taking one last longing look at his iPad with the pretty embossed presidential seal or focused on a particularly frustrating sequence in Angry Birds?

With an aggressive energy reminiscent of a well-groomed rescue Terrier, the Republican challenger immediately charged into the Oval ringship, steamrolling both the president and the moderator. He didn’t just dominate the debate, he twisted it into a logical Mobius strip.

Contradicting almost every one of his previously stated core beliefs, the former Governor of Massachusetts claimed to have no plan for tax cuts, said good things about portions of Obamacare, and demonstrated concern over the bailout of big banks. Don’t know whom it was that blitzed onstage in Denver, but that guy could have done pretty well in Democratic primaries.

In the 38 minutes Romney spoke, he put on a verbal gymnastics exhibition worthy of an Olympics final. Obscuring. Dissembling. Whitewashing. Changing positions. Twisting facts. Denying assertions. Just making stuff up. Doubling down on his own personal Etch A Sketch. Candidate Gumby. Only less green. Marginally. Let the bendy shaking begin. Next thing you know he’ll deny his 47 percent statement. What? Already? Wow.

One possible excuse for Obama’s shocking passivity is he was stunned by the audacity of Romney’s mendacity. There were traces of “I can’t believe he just said that in front of people” smirks. It seemed all he could to keep from falling into the much-warned eye-rolling Al Gore Sigh Trap.

Maybe watching Obama sleepwalking was responsible for time slowing down, but the debate went on forever. At least way past Jim Lehrer’s bedtime, who morphed from deferential to obsequious to invisible. Made the NFL replacement refs look effective.

There’s plenty of time for both sides to retool messages for the next two confrontations. The White House can be expected to encourage the president to more energetically nail Romney to his own words. And despite renewed confidence, Romney will surely run intensive rehearsals to practice a different listening face that doesn’t reflect an annoyed patience, slight smugness and just a disconcerting pinch of Sling Blade.

—–

 Cagle Post » The Audacity of Mendacity.

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Cagle Post » Blame Congress for the GSA Scandal

Posted by Michael B. Calyn in Opinion, Perspective, Politics on April 19, 2012


MICHAEL REAGAN

Blame Congress for the GSA Scandal

Making Sense, by Michael Reagan

 

Who should we tar and feather for the scandalous spending spree at that General Services Administration “conference” in Nevada two years ago?

Whose fault is it that a bunch of GSA bureaucrats wasted money on $44 breakfasts, a clown and a $75,000 bicycle-building exercise?

Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle (click to view more cartoons by McKee)

Not the GSA’s bosses. Not the Obama administration. I pin the blame on Watergate and Congress.

This week Congressional hearings all over Washington have been grilling past and current GSA officials about a $850,000 conference that blew thousands of dollars on things like a mind-reader and “yearbooks” and commemorative coins for the 300 participants.

Everyone from the president to Republican Congressman Darrell Issa of California has expressed outrage at the GSA, which manages the federal government’s property and purchases goods and services for other agencies.

But the source of this scandal isn’t the GSA or its inattentive bosses. They were behaving badly, but they were only doing what they were supposed to — spend every dime Congress gave their agency to spend.

The deeper problem is the way budget money has been allocated and spent by the federal government since the Watergate era. And it’s a problem only Congress can fix.

You’ve probably never heard of the Congressional Budget and Impoundment Control Act of 1974. Don’t feel bad. Apparently, neither have the members of the 112th Congress.

The Impoundment Control Act was passed by Congress to punish Richard Nixon for Watergate. It effectively took away the long-standing power of the president to impound federal dollars even though they had been allocated by Congress.


Presidents since Jefferson had used their power to impound money, put it in a fund and spend it in a future fiscal year. Forty-three governors today have the same power to impound money their state legislatures allocate.

For about 170 years the president’s impoundment power was an effective way to keep federal budgets balanced or to prevent Congress from spending money on dumb or unnecessary projects.

Then came Watergate and the Impoundment Control Act. Since then Congress has given itself a blank check to spend money the government didn’t have. Did it matter? Are you kidding?

In 1974, the federal budget deficit was $6.1 billion. One year after the Impoundment Control Act was made law, the deficit was $53 billion. By the time my father Ronald Reagan became president, it was $79 billion.

There’s only one way to prevent future GSA scandals and end our massive budget deficits. Cut back the total amount of money the federal government spends.

Paul Ryan is right. When government agencies have enough money to spend on $850,000 junkets, we’re putting too much money in their checkbooks.

So don’t put the biggest blame on the GSA bureaucrats. Put it on Congress. It’s Congress’ job to slash the budget money the GSA and other bloated, over-funded and unnecessary federal agencies get in the first place.

Instead of holding hearings to see who can express the most outrage at the GSA’s waste, Congress’ spendthrifts should go back and read the Congressional Budget and Impoundment Control Act of 1974. Then they should repeal it.

Michael Reagan is the son of President Ronald Reagan, a political consultant, and the author of “The New Reagan Revolution” (St. Martin’s Press, 2011). He is the founder and chairman of The Reagan Group and president of The Reagan Legacy Foundation. Visit his website at http://www.reagan.com, or e-mail comments to Reagan@caglecartoons.com.

 Cagle Post » Blame Congress for the GSA Scandal.

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Cagle Post » Gong, Gong, Gong!

Posted by Michael B. Calyn in Humor/Parody, Opinion, Perspective, Politics on March 23, 2012


MICHAEL REAGAN

MAR

22

2012

Gong, Gong, Gong!

Making Sense, by Michael Reagan

Gong, Gong, Gong!

I don’t know about you, but watching the Republican primary season is making me feel like a judge on the “The Gong Show.”

I watched or listened to all three candidates after Tuesday night’s Illinois primary. I’m still crying.

Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle (click to view more cartoons by McKee)

If Mitt, Newt and Rick had given those uninspiring speeches on Chuck Barris’ twisted 1970s amateur talent show, the celebrity panelists would have gang-gonged them in 30 seconds.

The speeches Romney, Santorum and Gingrich gave were the least inspiring of this trying campaign season. Each one was too long, lacking in vision and boring as hell. I think Santorum is still delivering his Gettysburg Address.

Hasn’t anyone on his staff ever heard the advice “less is more”? Don’t any of these guys realize that their rambling, dull speeches are carried live on the cable channels?

Win or lose, here’s a free idea for one of them to try after the Louisiana primary on Saturday (March 24):

First give a quick, sharp, inspiring, enthusiastic, Obama-bashing speech for the TV cameras. Use a teleprompter if you must or, if you want to look Reaganesque, write a few notes on some index cards.

Then, after three minutes, say “God bless America!” or “On to the White House!” and exit stage right.

Save the rehashes of your positions on healthcare or family values for your supporters in the room. Ditto for your sincere thanks to your loyal cousin Shirley and the assistant precinct captain of Peoria.

I have a more strategic suggestion for our three contestants before “The Republican Gong Show” gets to Tampa.

If they are truly serious about wanting to beat Obama in the fall, they’d better dump all their advisers now. They each need to find someone like a Michael Deaver or a Lyn Nofziger, the media geniuses who ran my father’s campaigns, and listen carefully.

The cold truth is that at this point there is only one professional campaign team in this never-ending primary and, like it or not, it’s Romney’s. The Santorum and Gingrich teams may be more conservative, but they are not well funded and they’re amateur league.

Newt says Mitt can’t beat Obama, but he can’t beat Romney or Santorum, and even Ron Paul beat him in Illinois. And Rick says Mitt will say whatever he needs to say to win. Welcome to hardball politics, Rick.

Let’s face it. There is no road for Santorum or Gingrich to the White House, not even a dirt road. That is unfortunate. But now the primary has turned into a “Stop Romney” campaign and that’s much more than unfortunate. It’s destructive. And it only helps Obama.

Here’s a suggestion for Newt and Rick if they insist on going one-on-one against Romney. Since primary loss after primary loss clearly isn’t working, how about a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors and the loser goes home?

Seriously, it’s time for Mitt to get some of his own ideas and not take them from Newt (energy) and from Rick (freedom). Without his own “big ideas” and own “vision thing,” he will lose. Trust me.

Most importantly, it’s time for Mitt to reach out to the conservatives. If he doesn’t, he won’t ever be president, either, and Obama will get four more years to continue his deconstruction of America.

—–

Michael Reagan is the son of President Ronald Reagan, a political consultant, and the author of “The New Reagan Revolution” (St. Martin’s Press, 2011). He is the founder and chairman of The Reagan Group and president of The Reagan Legacy Foundation. Visit his website at http://www.reagan.com, or e-mail comments to Reagan@caglecartoons.com.

 Cagle Post » Gong, Gong, Gong!.

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