AUGUST 11, 2012
LESS INTERESTING PERSON THAN ROMNEY FOUND IN WISCONSIN
Posted by Andy Borowitz
U.S.S. WISCONSIN (The Borowitz Report)—An exhaustive manhunt that took months and spanned the country came to a dramatic end today as a less interesting person than Mitt Romney turned up in Wisconsin.
On the deck of the U.S.S. Wisconsin, officials from the Guinness Book of World Records were on hand to certify the result of the search.
“This man is in fact the least interesting person in America,” one Guinness official said, adding that Mr. Romney himself had held that title since 1947.
Mr. Romney and the man made a joint appearance, after which the audience was advised not to operate heavy machinery.
The man of the hour used his brief remarks to lay out his vision of America, saying that billions of dollars could be saved by eliminating food, clothing, and shelter.
For his part, Mr. Romney sounded a theme for the fall campaign: “It’s time to transform America, and the two of us are both Transformers.”
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- Rep. Paul Ryan: Will also run in November for his Wisconsin House seat (blogs.suntimes.com)
- Romney’s Olympic Trouble Continues : The New Yorker (mbcalyn.com)
- Romney’s Gaffes Worsen in Israel : The New Yorker (mbcalyn.com)
- Romney Claims Dog Ate Tax Returns and Ran Bain Capital for Three Years : The New Yorker (mbcalyn.com)
- Paul Ryan: firebrand from Wisconsin has built reputation on fiscal frugality (guardian.co.uk)
- Romney to announce running mate Saturday in Va. (newsobserver.com)
- Saturday Reads: Romney Succumbs to Radical Right on VP Pick (skydancingblog.com)
- Views on a Romney-Ryan ticket from around the web (jsonline.com)
- Congressman Paul Ryan a brave pick by Mitt Romney for Vice President – Charismatic Irish American will force a major economic debate in fall campaign (irishcentral.com)