JULY 20, 2012
ROMNEY CLAIMS DOG ATE TAX RETURNS AND RAN BAIN CAPITAL FOR THREE YEARS
Posted by Andy Borowitz
NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report)—In a new effort to settle nagging questions about his finances, Republican Presidential pick Mitt Romney today told reporters that his dog ate his tax returns and also served as C.E.O. of Bain Capital from 1999 to 2002.
Mr. Romney’s narrative about the Irish setter Seamus Romney, shared with reporters during a campaign stop in New Hampshire, was perhaps the most emotional invocation of a pet by a politician since Richard M. Nixon’s famed Checkers speech of 1952.
“Seamus was more than a dog,” Mr. Romney said, his voice beginning to quaver. “As C.E.O. of Bain, he was a job creator.”
But Mr. Romney’s revelations about his dog’s career in private equity may have raised more questions than it answered, as a spokesperson for People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) questioned the G.O.P. candidate’s latest version of events.
“If we are to believe Mitt Romney, in 2002 while Seamus was supposedly running Bain Capital he would have been at least 140 years old [in dog years],” said PETA’s Carol Foyler. “This shaggy-dog story represents Mitt Romney’s latest act of animal cruelty.”
Minutes after PETA’s response, Mr. Romney released an amended statement, saying that Seamus Romney had served as C.E.O. of Bain “posthumously.”
It was a quieter day for Mr. Romney’s wife Ann, who, after her “you people” gaffe on ABC’s “Good Morning America” yesterday, was seen riding home on the roof of Mr. Romney’s car.
- Mitt Romney Goes on the Offensive to Quell Bain Capital Firestorm, But Doesn’t Recall Key Details (themoderatevoice.com)
- Bain Capital will be the death of Mitt Romney (bazaardaily.com)
- Mitt Romney Responsible for Bain Lay-Offs and Bankruptcies – New Questions about His Bain Departure Date (aquariuschannelings.com)
- Former Bain Capital partner says Romney was ‘legally’ CEO of Bain Capital until 2002 (democraticunderground.com)
- Bain, Bain Won’t Go Away For Romney Campaign (wnyc.org)
- Bain Capital Could Decide Obama Vs Romney (ibtimes.com)
- Mitt Romney Signed Bain Filings During Supposed Leave (huffingtonpost.com)
- Mitt Romney Blatantly Contradicted Himself Tonight On When He Actually Left Bain Capital (businessinsider.com)
- Jon Stewart Tears Into Romney’s Weak Bain Capital, Tax Return Defense (mediaite.com)
- Romney: I had nothing to do with running Bain. I just owned it. Oh, and no more tax returns! (dailykos.com)