POSTED MAY 9, 2012
North Carolina Weighs Ban on Electricity, Soap
Amendment One Supporters Push New Law
NORTH CAROLINA (The Borowitz Report) – Flush with victory from yesterday’s statewide vote, supporters of North Carolina’s Amendment One today moved forward with a bold proposal to ban electricity and soap.
Cal Pinckton, a leading proponent of Amendment One who has helped craft the new law, says the principles behind it are simple: “If the Bible doesn’t mention something, it’s against the law, and the Bible makes no mention of either soap or electricity.”
He adds that North Carolina will “still have plenty of stuff that the Bible does mention, like boils and locusts.”
While some critics of the proposed law said that it could be damaging to North Carolina’s economy since it would drive away fanciers of soap and electricity, Mr. Pinckton sees it differently.
“I think we’ll see a huge boom in tourism,” he says. “North Carolina is on its way to becoming one great big old timey theme park, like Colonial Williamsburg.”
But Mr. Pinckton is careful to emphasize that under the proposed law, there would be certain situations in which the use of electricity would be permitted: “You could still use electricity for things that are explicitly mandated by the Bible, like transvaginal ultrasounds.”
Related articles
- North Carolina approves ban on gay marriage (fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com)
- Fuck North Carolina. (daviddemar.wordpress.com)
- North Carolina Overwhelmingly Bans Same-Sex Marriage (jonathanturley.org)
- North Carolina approves ban on gay marriage- Calif. weighs ban on gay teen ‘conversion’ therapy (foxnews.com)
- Yea for North Carolina! (4simpsons.wordpress.com)
- Amendment One Passes In North Carolina (themoderatevoice.com)
- North Carolina passes same-sex marriage ban (newstalkcleveland.com)
- North Carolina Voters Ban Gay Marriage, Civil Unions (sott.net)
- Good, Evil, and North Carolina (queenofspainblog.com)
- “The Bigots Win”: North Carolina Passes Constitutional Amendment Bannig Marriage Equality (mykeystrokes.com)
#1 by Neil on May 9, 2012 - 11:32 AM
Sorry to be a buzzkill, but the law didn’t ban anything. You can go to lots of apostate “churches” and get married today and set up house. Go for it. North Carolina reaffirmed the plain and historic definition of marriage.