A Letter from Mitt Romney « Borowitz Report


POSTED DECEMBER 11, 2011

A Letter from Mitt Romney

Your Chance to Win $10,000

 

DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report) – Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney today issued the following open letter to America:

Dear American:

A lot of people are going around today saying that Mitt Romney is too rich and out-of-touch to be President.   Well, I am willing to bet you $10,000 I’m not.

I’m holding in my hand a crisp ten grand note that can be yours if I’m wrong.  I always walk around with a thick wad of these, just in case I need to tip a wine steward or light up a fat cigar.  In a pinch, I sometimes peel one off and use it to wipe my fanny.  You wouldn’t think Mitt Romney would ever run out of toilet paper, but when you live in a 11,000 square foot mansion with seventeen bathrooms, believe me, it happens!

I guess you could say I’ve always been a betting man.  Like earlier this fall, when Rick Perry accused me of using an illegal alien to cut my lawn in La Jolla.  Why, the next day I called out to yardman, “Jose, I’ll bet you $10,000 you’re legal.”  He didn’t take the bet, because he ran away and I never saw him again.  I guess betting isn’t a part of his culture, wherever he comes from.

And while we’re on the subject of being rich and out of touch, here’s something Mitt Romney would never do: run up a $500,000 tab at Tiffany buying diamond nipple rings for his third wife.  As the kids like to say, “Just sayin’.”

Vote for me,

Mitt

 A Letter from Mitt Romney « Borowitz Report.

, , , , , , ,

  1. Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Satire Nation

Off the charts!

Thoughtfully Prepping

My Scribblings about Prepping and Survivalism

Derek's Blog

A fine WordPress.com site

Zany Zach's Blog

Amateur blog for mostly Film/CD/Book/TV reviews .........

The Better Man Project

A man in progress. One day at a time.

Don Charisma

because anything is possible with Charisma

∙ tenderheartmusings ∙

we were born naked onto the page of existence; with nothing but the pen of our soul to write ourselves into eternal ecstasy ~ DreamingBear Baraka Kanaan

The Wine Wankers

Smile :) You’re at the best wine blog ever! Scroll down to read our fun stories, and join our journey as we fight through the wine jargon in search of a good glass of wine. Wine blogs; the best place to find nice wine online! Contact: winewankers@hotmail.com

Good Time Stories

Inspiring and Heartwarming Stories

musings from a musical mind

60's flowerchild,herbalist,dreamer, seeker of truth

retireediary

The Diary of a Retiree

AirportsMadeSimple

Your Interactive Travel Magazine~Showcasing a Variety of Authors

oasisbidari

A fine WordPress.com site

NoWorksSalvationApocalypseNow

Finishing Lifes Race Strong

Deep Shit Media

Alternative Sovereign Communications

38 Years

Perspective from the middle ages of life

Bookgirl

A great WordPress.com site

Chastisement 2013

Watch and Be Ready

Direct From The Street - Stuff We And People Share

Photos, Videos, Articles - Business, Social Media, Marketing, Entertainment, Fashion, Sports, Life

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 365 other followers

%d bloggers like this: