POSTED DECEMBER 11, 2011
A Letter from Mitt Romney
Your Chance to Win $10,000
DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report) – Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney today issued the following open letter to America:
A lot of people are going around today saying that Mitt Romney is too rich and out-of-touch to be President. Well, I am willing to bet you $10,000 I’m not.
I’m holding in my hand a crisp ten grand note that can be yours if I’m wrong. I always walk around with a thick wad of these, just in case I need to tip a wine steward or light up a fat cigar. In a pinch, I sometimes peel one off and use it to wipe my fanny. You wouldn’t think Mitt Romney would ever run out of toilet paper, but when you live in a 11,000 square foot mansion with seventeen bathrooms, believe me, it happens!
I guess you could say I’ve always been a betting man. Like earlier this fall, when Rick Perry accused me of using an illegal alien to cut my lawn in La Jolla. Why, the next day I called out to yardman, “Jose, I’ll bet you $10,000 you’re legal.” He didn’t take the bet, because he ran away and I never saw him again. I guess betting isn’t a part of his culture, wherever he comes from.
And while we’re on the subject of being rich and out of touch, here’s something Mitt Romney would never do: run up a $500,000 tab at Tiffany buying diamond nipple rings for his third wife. As the kids like to say, “Just sayin’.”
Vote for me,
- Borowitz Report – Falling in Polls, Romney Considers Adultery (mbcalyn.com)
- Borowitz Report – Gingrich: ‘I’ve Screwed All the Women I Want – All That’s Left is America’ (mbcalyn.com)
- US election 2012: Mitt Romney seeks to limit $10,000 bet gaffe (telegraph.co.uk)
- Jon Huntsman Accepts Mitt Romney’s $10,000 Bet (buzzfeed.com)
- Mitt Romney Challenges Rick Perry To $10,000 Bet At Iowa Debate (VIDEO) (huffingtonpost.com)
- Mitt Romney Tries To Be Human, And It Gets Really Awkward (businessinsider.com)
- Mormons Gambling! Jon Huntsman ‘Accepts’ Mitt Romney’s $10,000 Bet In New Video (mediaite.com)
- Romney Predicts Long Delegate Fight (politicalwire.com)
- GIGGLE: Falling in Polls, Romney Considers Adultery (brandtstandard.com)
- Romney flip-flopping on bet? (hotair.com)