POSTED SEPTEMBER 24, 2011
Satellites are Gay
Warns NASA Against Launching Future Gay Objects
VIRGINIA BEACH (The Borowitz Report) – Evangelist Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program by saying that the NASA satellite that plummeted to Earth did so “because God thinks satellites are gay.”
“We have to remember that the heavens are where God lives,” Rev. Robertson said during the broadcast. “If we launch something into outer space that God thinks is gay, He’s going to kick it right back to us.”
Mr. Robertson offered little evidence as to why God might think the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite was gay, but said, “It does have, I believe, a big telescope sticking out of it and I can see why God would not want that in His face.”
He added that the falling satellite “should serve as a warning to NASA not to launch other gay objects into space.”
The televangelist’s remarks were abruptly cut short when a large piece of metal debris crashed through the roof of his television studio and landed squarely on his head.